Pat's Inner Monologue - 1

Just to pep the place up a bit, I decided to add a video I made recently.

This is going to be the first of a series of about 5 - so long as I don't have a mental block over the others.

Hope it titillates.

The Curious Incident of the Widge Allnight

I thought I'd share this because some people have found it amusing over the years. This was the first post on my old blog. If you have 5 mins and a cup of tea then it should give you a laugh.

Normal/proper service will resume after. Cheers.

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Originally posted 14:01 1st Nov 2004 - The day after I got back.

Well. I obtained a blog then thought "Bugger, what am I going to put in there?" and so left it.

But then I happened upon an adventure! So I have stuff to talk about.

Now, this is padded out to buggery. But it was a long long night/daynight/day. So if you manage to get though it all, I hope you suffer a little like the poor people who bugger up their trips suffer mwahahahha. Apologies.

Now, I'm well aware that people have problems with public transport and their own ineptitude everyday, but amusing things happen to me very rarely (at least things that happen that other people find funny too). And it is for the 'amusing' value that I write this, not so people can read and say "oooo, he has taught us the valuable lesson of not being a tit when it comes to trains and times". No, it's just for you all to laugh at.

So, let's start off the day before the trip. Sister, 'Bint', drives up to visit her little bro. Finalise the plan that I should wander down on the train to Chelmsford to see her graduation on Saturday, but not tell the family as would be a surprise for the young one to turn up unexpected. Sorted.

Go to halowe'en party but don't drink (too much) so that I'll be able to get up at 5:40 to get the 6:45 train. Plan.

Go to bed at 4:50 after making sandwiches for the next day and ironing pretty trousers. Got to look me best for the possible photos, you understand. 50 mins sleep? Should be do-able. By setting the radio to turn itself on, loud, at the appropriate time.

Never make the mistake of getting into bed properly when you plan to be up after a very short sleep. It isn't going to happen. And if you do, make sure that the remote to the radio is well out of reach. Otherwise it's autopilot all the way...and the radio is turned down without the operator waking up.

08:30 - 3hours late. Bugger. Rapidly shower and run out to train station on bike. Sneakily get the 0900 to Reading. Only 2 hours late. It's not that bad. Train to Reading is very nice. No problems. Even gets me there within a few minutes of jumping on an East bound GWR train. Paddington follows then a tube to Liverpool Street. Happily the circle line is screwed for the weekend, but no problems there as I'm on the Hammersmith and City Line.

At this point, I find I can't remember most of those early train rides. Possibly because at the time I was already dozing whenever the opportunity arose.

So, Chelmsford.... Disproportionate amount of slim blonde women to the rest of the world. By the way, Chelmsford is deep, deep into Essexland. This presents a challenge when trying to find the sibling. But then again, she has a hobbit and a man who looks like Father Christmas with her (Granny and Dad). Interestingly, the same day that all the teachers were graduating with their PGCEs all the essex peeps were graduating with their Health and Beauty ('elf n booty')...things. Yeees...

Now leaving out all the boring details, not that I haven't lost about 90% of original readers by now, of Chelms and family meetings.

Cut to half 8 outside a chinese restaurant in Oakwood, North London. After a meal with various relations and after concussing my youngest sister on a pole (I was only playing) I leave for Paddington again. It was never my intention to miss the trains on the way back, but I hadn't seen my other grandmother (who is there) in 18months, so we decided it's be ok to get a later train and that I could go for a meal.

Trip to Paddington is again uneventful and I even managed to jump straight onto a Reading bound train that was sitting in the station. Brilliant.

Then there is a points failure at Slough. I could sit here and get really arsey about it. But the fact is that at this point I'd already missed the last train to Coventry. However: Feckin crappy points bloody crap railway feckin feckin etc.

Perhaps I should have paid more attention too to the train manager who gave details many times about coach services to Oxford and beyond for people who had missed their connection. I did wonder briefly whether Cov was on roughly the same line as Oxford, only further on. Interestingly, looking at a Virgin Network map some hours later, I found out that it is. Hmm.

So I wander around Reading looking at screens hoping for a 'Coventry' or 'Leamington' to sneakily appear. Neither does. Helpful station worker tells me "Last train was nine o five" and turns his back. 'Waaaaaay!' The next Leam train is 0900, with it being a Sunday and all.

Bum. At least I know Reading from the few festivals I've attended (no, I don't know why I did either, except because Bournstheman was going & he's great. Honest) but that doesn't inspire confidence in me. Perhaps I should say that it's late late late on a saturday night, the night of 30/31 October. Cue many many drink doused costumed peeps wandering round trying to get home too. Not nice.

Well, after wandering and looking I eventually get information from a bus type person who lets me know that there's a National Express station a 20min bus drive away. The NE helpline is closed of course, it being half 11. Get there and find that NE don't go North from Reading anyway. And when the coach does turn up I'm told that Coventry service is from Victoria (in London of course). Great.

Back to Reading station. Wander. Then comes a ray of hope! I see a delayed train to Bristol Temple Meads is about to arrive! I know that place! The parents live within (several hours) walking distance of it! A few miles outside the city, although no-one is home. I left them at Granny's in London. Also I know Bristol bus station and that they have a National Express station there. To Birmingham. Birmingham is nearer to Leamington than here is. And if it all goes to pot then I can do train from Bristol via Brum to Leam anyway. Guess what happened? Hurrah.

So I stump up a little cash, as much as I've paid for my original trip, to get to Bristol. Arrive there with a little feeling of exulation. I can walk around happy that I know where a few things are.

Oddly enough, there are no coaches to Birmingham at 2am. In fact there aren't any until 2pm. I look at the sign that advertises £16.99 day return to Birmingham with NE and wonder why anyone would go to Brum, when they'd get there at about 4 or 5 and probably have to come straight home on the last Bristol bound coach.

Anyhow. I'm shafted again. Again, it's my own fault. But joy! I know my way about. Which is great when all I want to do is sleep.

At this point, I notice a sign for the Bristol Youth Hostel. Could sleep in a corner there for 6 hours or so, I think. I try and fnd it, but lose signs and things at the centre outside the Hippodrome. There are about 2 or 3 thousand people, most drunk, hanging around the area at this point in time. And it seems, about as many police (sober for the most part). Now, it seemed like a good idea at the time to stay in an area near to a lot of drunken people and sit by a very open dock. If anyone knows the Water Front in Bristol they'll know that the other side of the little waterway is pretty dark. And scaaaary wooo. Sat by Pero's Bridge. A big horned bridge. Odd. But, I'd seen a burger van. And I was pretty hungry. One sandwich left, which I thought I should save for the next day just in case, and I was really thirsty.

Oddly enough, it turns out to be a dogfood burger van that I'd happened upon before, so we know we can trust him. He sold food to a very drunk man (not me) with orange vomit down his (not mine) front, who incidently, can drink us ALL (including me) under the table [for anyone familiar with my YouTube channel - the drunken gent in question was a much younger Fleh]. Good food. Then a sit on a bench next to it. Bit chilly, wrap shirt round head as a hoody and doze on bags. That wouldn't have been the best idea, but it isn't a deep sleep & I wake at noises that are quite near. This includes some bloke wandering close to me. Comes and speaks to me. For a long, long time.

Introduces himself as a vampire. A vampire from 1884. I contemplated running away. I didn't. And sat there for a further 90mins.

Some of you may know him. He's written many things. Stuff for ITV like Footballer's Wives for one. He may be telling the truth, I don't know I haven't checked [since then, I have. Footballer's Wives was written by two women]. But he's also been asked by the Police to join their ranks several times, has saved numerous people from attack and been attacked himself. And he talks. Lots. He did save me from mugger people though. They asked us for change for food.

Actually a lot of what he said, even though it was repetitive, was amusing enough, coherant and probably right. He still scared the crap out of me.

So, 5:50am back at Temple Meads. Warmth! No. Platform. Ticket to Brum then Leam?

"Well, " says ticket seller, "it'll be a long trip, as there's engineering between Gloucester and Cheltenham. There's a bus link".

Hmmm.

Hoody/Shirt is employed to great effect on platform whilst sleeping. Although this is upset many times by a Welshlad who was having a much worse time than all his mates. They'd all been screwed over by one of their number who had no ticket back to Welshland, but he had to talk about it a good deal and loudly. Was a Chav btw. It happens to the best of them. [In the months that followed my blog post, with a pic of me looking very tired in TempleMeads, an engineering friend googled TM to find a pic of the station. My face came up 3rd. Ha.]

So 9am train to Gloucester and a huge load of people getting on coaches. Quite a nice ride in a warm bus to Birmingham, a sneaky dash to a Reading bound train results in me sitting in a carriage to Leamington. Another coincidence means I'm sitting opposite someone I went to school with and haven't seen in a couple of years. Nice chat. 30 minutes later at exactly 1200 I wander out and unlock my blike. If it's possble to stumble whilst riding a bike, I do it. And plod into me house 5 minutes later. Hurrah!

More or less 27 hours after I got onto my first train and a mere 16 vehicle trips later, I'm home! Only 16 hours on the return trip though. And I can't fall asleep. Doesn't happen until 10pm. So about 6 hours proper sleep in about 60. It's all good. I'm a student after all. And only about 20 puddles of sick avoided along the entire route. Over 300ish miles that ain't bad.

At 8pm on the Saturay night, my step-mother had jokingly offered me a lift to Reading, as they're going back that way. I look as though I'm considering it and she hastily back tracks. It wouldn't have taken them up on it though. 5 people in car and they'd all been up since 6am, so it wouldn't be fair to make them stumble around Reading looking for the station. I wonder if I'd have made the last train if I'd have gone with them.....(hehe. nope).

If you managed to get this far then I applaud you. I'm sure I could have found some way to make this more amusing and I may do so at a later time. But still, the whole thing should bring a smile to the face. It did to me, when I remembered my sister's boyfriend advising me at about 7pm Saturday to check when the last train was. Brushed the comment aside (couldn't be arsed). I might make sure next time.

It's also nice to know that if I'd have stayed at Reading I could have been home at 10:45. ooooooo. Trip time: 0900 - 1200 Looks nicer like that, but then if you put that dates in...

So. I'm not going to go anywhere for a while. Or indeed, write in my Blog ( Don't worry die hard fans, I will). This will do for a few months.

One thing that made me think is that my tickets (excluding underground and buses ie train) weren't checked. Only once, on the final leg of the journey from Brum to Leam was me ticket punched. I could have saved about £50. Gits.

Anyhow. It was fun-ish. All leads to the Life-experiences. Nice day seeing family.

And for those who wonder why I couldn't just wait till morning, the reason that I was trying to get back apart from not wanting to spend all night out and about on the street, was because I was due to be rowing at 7am. I let the captain know at 1am that I probably wouldn't make it back. But I tried. Honest I did. Someone filled in for me with no problem anyway. I ask myself why I didn't just go to a feckin hotel.

All good.

Cheers.

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Well wasn't that fun? Over 6 years later and I always have to point out the bench when I walk past it. Good times.

Incidentally, the bench I sat on for hours is situation in front of a very nice brick building... that houses Bristol Youth Hostel. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Beginning a new

And so it begins. Again.

I used to be a prolific blogger at University. Back in mid 2004 my old institution decided to get in on the whole blogging aspect of the web (in order to make money, we assume...) and gave every student the opportunity to set up a blog. I did so and, although I say so myself, my chattings became quite popular at one point.

I wasn't selling anything, I wasn't reviewing (apart from one film), I didn't have any campaign to back as such: I was just talking. It did fairly well. Narcissistic, sure - but that doesn't mean it wasn't serving a purpose. As my memory is akin to that of a goldfish ><> I find that it would be very helpful to have my thoughts, feelings and writings recorded somewhere again - so that I don't have to go through an entire mental process from scratch to remember what my conclusions were.

When I left Uni and started doing other things with my life (eventually) I had less time to blog, so in September 2009 I stopped. I didn't shut it down or announce my intention to go - I just stopped posting. The blog is still there with all the articles, though they are hidden for the moment. I have to go back through and edit out posts that are of a somewhat more personal nature: Like most people who blog it contains posts from when I was less than happy. Blogs can act as an outlet, particularly for the more anonymous user, and mine was not an exception (which I just spelt 'acception' - *sigh*). However, that blog was under my real name and as such I need to tone-it-down, particularly as I'm getting close (ha! I was here 5 years ago) to the time when I might get a proper-job.

I turned my attentions to YouTube a couple of years ago and have now been posting videos for a little over a year. Admittedly my output has dropped off in the last 6 months - I like to put effort into the videos and as such I tend to spend short bursts on editing, usually well into the early hours: not healthy. As such - I often don't have the time and energy to make a video on subjects that would require a good deal of scripting and editing, particularly because I have a habit of not being able to vocalise what I wish to say: I might know the words, but I'm a terrible gabbler. And mutterer.

So, as well as posting videos on YouTube and here, I have decided that you LUCKY people deserve to have my written word too. If you're reading this, and them, I hope you enjoy. But at the very least I shall enjoy re-reading everything I have written, because the chances are I'll forget what I've said in due course.

Thanks.

Enter the Widget - First 'proper' video. Sept '09. If you're interested.

Ps - I love commas and my grammar is shite. Deal with it.